Witch's Curse: An Otome Game

I loved this game!! It's very beautiful and I can tell a lot of time and dedication had been put into this game :) I hope you make more games <3

oh my god~!

The game is beautiful and very wonderful. I did not expect it to be this beautiful. I hope you will continue to develop it. I appreciate your efforts.❤️❤️ What is your next game?

Me and my fiance played/reviewed the visual novel together and we especially enjoyed the story, the lore, and the art style. I kinda fangirled a bit during the Kael/Brannan swordfight scene. That was my favorite part. ;) Would love to see more chapters and/or a remastered version of this! ^_^

I can't wait for more chapters to be released.

Hello, I downloaded the game today and played through once and did Kael's route.  The CG art is really good.  At first the premise is interesting.  I think this is a lovely start to creating your game.

SPOILERS

Sorry, but I am going to get into some hopefully construction criticism.  Please do not take any of this negatively--this story really is very good for a first story.

I think overall the thing that held this game back was essentially the story was too elaborate.  There was a lot of what is commonly referred to as "info dumps" or lots of exposition just put in--for example, if you read fast and maybe miss a sentence, it's definitely possible to entirely miss a huge plot point because exposition is literally placed just once during a character's thoughts which included other less important information.

It's difficult to explain, but one thing I think you should keep in mind as a golden rule going forward is following "Chekhov's gun" which is a writing principle that states "every element in a story must be necessary, and irrelevant elements should be removed."  I know probably you already have in mind how everything is necessary and has meaning as part of a huge, grand story--however, I really think you should consider in this smaller release of the story to NOT include all the elements of the story yet.

I think it actually would help you to keep people intrigued if when you write a smaller release of the story to follow Chekhov's gun principle by not including anything that is irrelevant to the shorter story.  For example, I would have advised completely removing the detail of Kael wanting a heart from the witch.  Because in this short release of the story it ended up being just a throwaway line that had no impact or relevance to the story.  It also added a bit of disappointment (at least to me) because honestly I didn't feel the character displayed a lack of emotion--which usually is what people think of first when a character says they lack a heart (due to Wizard of Oz probably).  So, it just added an unnecessary distraction--which is a classic Chekhov's gun example.  

The switching back and forth between character's POV and between past and present was also distracting.  I think having even just a screen break with just "A few days later..."  or "Brennan's POV" would have helped because at first I didn't even look up at the top of the screen and didn't catch the POV change.

But I also think the many changes in POV is also a result of trying to tell a huge story in a very short amount of time.  Again, I would have probably advised on the short release of this story to have focused on just a few things.  For example, maybe starting out the game telling just a fragment of the backstory--not everything that was said in this game, but just enough to get people intrigued and maybe purposely leaving out some things so readers question who's who as they're reading.  (For example, maybe you could have had a townsperson recalling the story at a pre halloween event as the protagonist walks by--I dunno maybe a book reading to children at a library or something--of the evil witch's actions and not mentioned the good witch yet so readers would initially think the protagonist might be secretly tied to evil magic unawares and that could have added tension and suspense, plus it would give more reason as to why the townspeople all feared witches so much).  

And then in this short release you could have focused on the protagonist not yet being aware of the truth--that only one witch was evil and the other was good--so not having any flashbacks yet to the past of the good witch, and instead at the end when she's possessed by the good witch you keep readers in suspense because you don't tell them she's good.  And instead you keep it vague still and mysterious.  So, when the witch leaves her body the protagonist has a much more difficult decision to make on whether she'll try to stay as herself or continue to unravel the mystery.  And then for Kael's route you could have her basically saying the same as she did--a speech about choosing to remain as she is and maybe even adding that she will never become evil.  (Just as a nice touch)  So essentially you'd have a complete short story then.  A girl connected to an unknown entity choosing to stay as she is and be a good person--that's a very satisfying story.  However, YOU would know as the author that it's just a tiny piece of the actual grand story and then in your next release you could plan out how the protagonist is gradually going to learn that the witch she's connected to actually isn't evil.  For example, while she's now living with Kael and they know they're likely going to be attacked by Brennan again--that's when she could suddenly start having flashbacks of a good witch and gradually realizing that there's more to the story.  Obviously I guess this would then require maybe a rewrite of Kael since I think he remembered that the witch was good--I probably would have kept him in the dark in this first release.  Maybe not yet regaining all his memories.  And also it would require a rewrite of her best friend so that she hasn't yet told the protagonist of the story of the good witch.  And I do think this is another story beat I would have removed completely--because it too was just thrown in as a flashback randomly.  Whereas I think it would be much more impactful to be written at a key moment in the story and probably where it's not a flashback but us actually being in the scene in the present.  So, again I think this would too have been good to have in an episode two--or second release of the game where maybe as she's getting odd flashbacks that contradict her knowledge of the witch she eventually tells her friend who then recounts the story of the good witch--maybe even as a final beat right before a major plot point.  (Like right before she meets Brennan for a big encounter)

And then in the next release as they both start realizing that the witch was good that would be a special treat then to your readers--to your fans--because they would be so thrilled to see that the story expands and gets more and more elaborate and interesting.

Anyways, that's just one idea.  As you can see, there's a lot of ways you can simplify a grand story and focus on beats that you think will be exciting for a reader.  You don't have to reveal everything at once.  And a story doesn't have to be huge to have a big impact.  You can definitely pick just a few things from your grand story and up the ante on those points to a thousand to make them very exciting.

Basically you really want each major plot point to have the most impact it can have in your story.  If Kael is actually a secretive character who’s main intentions originally were to get a heart in order to no longer be under the witch’s control or something—then that should have gradual hints throughout the story and the reveal of him looking for a heart should be during some major scene.  Timing of when to reveal plot is very important and also focusing on major plot points to build their momentum is very important too.  Or if he wants a heart only recently after meeting the protagonist because he fell in love and wants to become fully human—that too should be a major scene.

But, again I think since you had so many very cool, dramatic plot ideas in this story there just were too many in this chapter one that you weren’t able to give them all the emotional, dramatic tension and impactful reveal they really deserved.

I think you should see every very cool plot point you have as a diamond that you absolutely do not discard.  But instead save it and hold onto it until you can present the diamond at the perfect moment.

Again, I hope this is helpful.  And sorry I just love thinking about stories and giving feedback.  You did very well for your first story!  The story itself has a lot of potential.

ahh this seems so interesting !! loved it so far, cant wait to find out more about the story and maybe more about miss witch's past? kael is so lovely and nice but ngl brannan is really my type lolz but yeah kael is just the vibes rn cux he wants the best for april <33

Will you ever do a Android version?

Summertown Romance!

The custom-drawn CGs looked absolutely amazing. I really like the character designs. I can tell that you took great care to find some fitting music that enhanced the mood.

Kael's childlike wonder and enthusiasm were so cute and really won me over. I enjoyed the friendship between April and Cora. I think Brannan might be quite an interesting Character. Funny enough, I picked his route first, because I was excited for the cult stuff. Kael felt like more like the main route though, as we spent more time with him and that Kiss CG was amazing. I felt like it was a bit of a personal happiness vs (possibly) greater good choice and that made it interesting. Thank you for making this game.